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4 Weeks Old!!

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wow, my baby is four weeks old today. i can’t believe that he’ll be a month old on tuesday…time REALLY does fly!!!!
i have something i need to get off my chest…a disclaimer for my blogs, if you will…
i have always wanted to be completely honest in my online writing. there are two reasons that my freedom of expression has been hindered since jeremiah’s birth. first of all, this is a journal for jeremiah. i would hate for him to read something i wrote and think it means his mama didn’t love him, because that is SOOOOO not the case. i have often glazed over things that could make him think he was a burden, or not what we wanted. he is a huge responsibility, as we knew he would be, and we love him more than we realized we could. this part of the disclaimer is for jeremiah: i love you, little boy, and nothing i could ever write will change that!!!!
secondly, i fear the comments i might receive; that i’m a bad mother that wah-wah this is what i wanted all along and now i can’t hack it, etc. let me prevent any comments like this by stating that i WILL be password protecting this site, as well as my personal site, if i need to. i never wanted to, but emotionally it’s not worth it to me to put up with rudeness from people who don’t know me but THINK they know everything about me. (to clarify, there have been no such comments lately, but i have received them in the past, and will not accept them anymore!)
that being said, you know how when you were pregnant and everyone always said “you’ll never know until you’re a parent”? and you shrugged it off, just like you thought they were exaggerating when they said “you think you love him now, just WAIT until you hold him in your arms.” (as if you could love this baby MORE than you do now!!) parenting would be hard, we knew, but we are good with kids. we were on top of everything, we thought. we’ll be fine.
yeah, right. it is NOTHING like i thought it would be. the intense love, the emotional highs and lows, coupled with total lack of sleep, are unbelievable. you think you can handle hearing your child cry, since you’ve handled other kids cry for years…not at all the same when your own baby’s tears break your heart, because there’s nothing you can do.
the past few days, i’ve been debating changing mi-mi’s site title from jeremiah sonshine to jeremiah grumpy-pants.
my sweet, quiet-tempered angel (except when he’s hungry!!) had been screaming and crying at any time of day for no obvious reason, for two days. he sounded like he was in pain, but who knows. jerry and i have been at a loss as to how to console or pacify him. sometimes the breast would work, other times he would refuse that, turning his head screaming. he was also having horrible gas (toots!!). we were so afraid he was turning colicky. or maybe, could it be? that he was spoiled already, so we’ve already ruined him??
the feelings of inadequacy, guilt, frustration (and again, sleeplessness) went hand in had. we knew this baby wasn’t being bad, but couldn’t help but feel he was a meanie! we’d both cry because there was nothing we could do! anything that appeased him only worked for a few minutes tops.
thank the Lord he’s doing better now! my mom and sister were here yesterday to give us a break, and he had grumpy problems with them until about 8pm, then had a nice, big, gross poopy and seemed to be fine. he fell asleep at about 9pm and slept until i woke him at 11:30 to feed him.
i don’t know if it’s from drinking milk that caused it, but i’m cutting it out, just in case. my poor little boy was so miserable, and so were we!!!!
ok, venting over.
we can’t believe how big he’s getting now! i held his foot to his newborn print and his foot was a whole big toe longer!! wow!!! and he is now 21 1/2 inches long! that’s an inch and a half longer!! (he was born at 21 inches, but when his cone-head went down, he lost an inch LOL.) not sure about his weight at the moment, but we’ll get an updated weigh-in soon! 🙂 he is so precious, adorable and just plain CUTE! he has the sweetest little smile and loves kisses!!
as for me, breastfeeding is going well. it barely hurts at all now, and it’s more fun because he LOOKS at me! 🙂 i am getting more sleep and trying to take it easy, which is why i have been neglecting online stuff lately…hope everyone will forgive me not visiting them much!! i still love you all!!
i am thinking of changing jenn’s journey to another name. i want to use the name blessed mama for my name…should the site title be just ‘blessed mama’ OR ‘blessed mama’s babbles’ OR ‘blessed mama’s musings’ OR ‘blessed mama’s something else?’ LOL.
anyway, that’s it for now (think that was enough?? LOL).
hugs!

Jenn

I'm a Christian wife to an amazing man and a stay-at-home-teaching mom to four special & incredible boys (14, 12.5, 10.5, & 8).  Sign up for posts, deals, & updates. Find me on Facebook (Writer page) (Fan page) (Community group), Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Google+.

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. As difficult as it all is, I know you wouldn’t give him up for a
    As difficult as it all is, I know you wouldn’t give him up for anything. Praise the Lord. It is amazing how fast he has grown!

  2. Blessed Mama’s Beatitudes is a good name eh? I loved your post a
    Blessed Mama’s Beatitudes is a good name eh? I loved your post and can COMPLETELY understand it all! Nothing prepares you for the mixed emotions of parenthood. No matter how many years we worked with children it is never the same as with our own!
    Keep an eye on little peanut as it sounds like how Faith started out and she ended up with colic for 4 months. I am praying that it is not that at all!
    Love you all and keep resting up!

  3. I had to change my email bacause a spamer was using it to send s
    I had to change my email bacause a spamer was using it to send spam everywhere. I wish I could call you- send your telly to ray (email above) and I will. Im home for the boys Bday but have no computer in RI and public computers are rare and very slow! But I miss you and an thinking of you and want to tell you so much and hear about Mi Mi -so send the # and best time to call and I will !!! Big Big Bear Hugz

  4. (HUGS) Jenn, Jeremiah will understand. ESPECIALLY after he becom
    (HUGS) Jenn, Jeremiah will understand. ESPECIALLY after he becomes a father himself. Whenever I think about editing my stuff I think to myself that one day Sarrah will be a mommy and she will be feeling overwhelmed and inadaquate. I want to be able to turn back to my journalings and let her read them. Not so much as a “You were a terror, now you’ve reaped what you’ve sown…” But more along the lines that I want her to see that her emotions and feelings ARE normal, and that she isn’t as isolated as she feels.

    Besides Jeremiah can’t help but know how much you love and cherish him.

    As far as the commentors go: If you need to password protect, then so be it. You will definately still have your loyal readers.

  5. {{{hugs}}} Totally understand where you’re coming from! (And I f
    {{{hugs}}} Totally understand where you’re coming from! (And I felt the need to pw-protect too, as you know, so I relate). And your feelings are normal – it’s amazing how things can be so hard yet so wonderful at the same time!

  6. oh I totally understand all thsoe feelings. Sometimes trying to
    oh I totally understand all thsoe feelings. Sometimes trying to figure out what a newborn needs takes as much thinking as figuring out a physics problem! :rotfl:
    He is absolutely adorable! Such a precious boy! :loveeyes:

  7. Big ((((HUGS)))) to you Jenn…I know you are having a butt ton
    Big ((((HUGS)))) to you Jenn…I know you are having a butt ton of issues with being a New Mommy and all…but trust me…in the long run…love over powers everything!!! You will get the hang of things. Sounds to me like little guy :baby: might be a bit colicy *are you still using formula as well?? Sometimes mixing the two will cause the terrible toots 🙁 …as well as some veggies you might be eating* Man I should have just emailed you.

    As for Jenn’s Journey….I love :love: “Blessed Mama’s Babbles” as that is what you sometimes refer to your posts!!! Please let me know when you got it up and going!!;)

    ~*HUGS*~
    Tammy

  8. Oh, Jenn, he is beautiful!! Wow!!!
    Oh, Jenn, he is beautiful!! Wow!!! I understand as well what you are going through, and these ladies are right :lovey:

  9. Oh yeah, my EZboard and yahoo email and messenger name is Blesse
    Oh yeah, my EZboard and yahoo email and messenger name is Blessed_Mamma 🙂

    I think it is an excellent change to your site! :lovey:

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