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Goodbye, Baby Sprout…

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one of the names that i’d liked a long time ago for a girl is janoah. since i really like michael w smith’s song “hello, goodbye” about a baby named noah, i thought it was appropriate to name this baby janoah…

Where’s the Navigator of your destiny?
Where is the Dealer of this hand?
Who can explain life and its brevity
‘Cause there is nothing here that I can understand

You and I have barely met
And I just don’t want to let go of you yet

Chorus:

Janoah, hello, goodbye
I will see you on the other side
Janoah, sweet child of mine
I will see you on the other side

And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face
Heaven calls for you before it calls for me
When you get there, save me a place

A place where I can share your smile
And I can hold you for more than just a while

Chorus

———–

i have felt sympathy for my friends who have lost babies. but i don’t think i ever truly understood. the pain is excruciating. if it weren’t for the precious boys i have here who need me, i would want to just curl up in a ball and die, to go be with janoah and Jesus. there are no real words to explain how i feel.

the cramping is much worse, though still not to the pain level of a normal menstrual cycle. the bleeding is the same as a menstrual cycle, with some clots. the HCG levels did not rise like they should have. the first was 1, 880 and the second was only 1, 968.

good bye, sweet janoah. but how can it be a good bye, when i never even got to meet you? to see your sweet face? to hold you and kiss you?

at first i wasn’t sure…

i didn’t think i was ready for another baby

but then i was so excited to meet you

to hold you, kiss you, hug you

i loved you already…

then i thought i might lose you

and i was devestated and crushed

but i still held out hope

well now i know you’re leaving

you may already be gone…

and i miss you so much,

my sweet baby girl

i will always hold a place for you

in my heart, my child

i love you, janoah.

Jenn

I'm a Christian wife to an amazing man and a stay-at-home-teaching mom to four special & incredible boys (14, 12.5, 10.5, & 8).  Sign up for posts, deals, & updates. Find me on Facebook (Writer page) (Fan page) (Community group), Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Google+.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. I am praying. I am so sorry Jenn. The name Janoah is beautiful.

  2. I’m so sorry Jenn… If there is anything I can do, please let me know… Although, from experience, I know that only time and God can truely help.

    I love you

  3. Im so very sorry sweetie….please let me know if there is anything i can do to help….Love ya!!!
    ((((hugs))))

  4. I love you, Jenn, and I’m so so sorry you have to go through this. If you ever need to talk, know I’m here.

  5. Oh, Jenn! I’m so sorry. Such a beautiful name, for a beautiful life. Praying, and wishing I could do more.

  6. Oh Jenn, my heart is just breaking for you! Janoah is such a beautiful name. Please know you are in my prayers and on my heart.

  7. I saw your update on Facebook and just wanted to stop by and give you a hug.

  8. AMEN.
    I have two in heaven. I remember the grief their leaving brings. Sending you big hugs.
    xoxo

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