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Hi, my name is Jenn, and I have Depression.

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I have decided to be more open and honest when I can on here. I don’t want people to only have a flat view of me, and I don’t want me to look back and say “Wow life was so peachy then, and look at it now!”

I went to the gyn yesterday to discuss some personal things (still having pain ‘down there’ and Josiah is 10 1/2 mos!) and brought up my temper, major sensitivity/crying over everything.

She had me take a test (with questions) and I scored the grand prize: Severely Depressed. She prescribed Lexapro (safe for nursing and in case we get pregnant). She also recommended a counselor, but I’m trying to find one I KNOW is a Christian.

It is nice to know I am not crazy, I am not losing my mind, I am not a horrible person. I do believe Depression is a chemical imbalance, a medical issue, and I’m thankful that the Lord helped people create something to help with it. Not a cure, unfortunately, but something to help.

I am so tired of being mad/sad/upset over what seems nothing. I don’t want to yell at my husband all the time. I don’t want to lose my patience with my kids. I don’t want to cry at everything.

I know a pill is not a cure-all but I know it will at least make me feel like a real human again. I know sometimes I act like nothing is wrong when I post but I have really really been struggling lately. I would appreciate and covet your prayers.

Be blessed!

[adinserter name=”Jenn”]

Jenn

I'm a Christian wife to an amazing man and a stay-at-home-teaching mom to four special & incredible boys (14, 12.5, 10.5, & 8).  Sign up for posts, deals, & updates. Find me on Facebook (Writer page) (Fan page) (Community group), Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and Google+.

This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. I’ll be praying for you!

    Hugs

  2. Oh Jenn!!! I will be praying. It helps to know that you have a wonderfully supportive husband and family. I know they will be there for you… Only wish I could be there too.

    Was she able to help you with the pain issues?

    Love you!
    Julie

  3. I’ll be praying for you, Jenn! Sorry I haven’t been commenting a lot, we are in the middle of packing up the house since we are moving on Saturday. Well, I should say *I* am packing since noone else seems to!
    Anyway, I felt very depressed about a year after Kaylee was born. I was yelling at my kids and my husband constantly and I was mean and hated myself for it. I had terrible thoughts, not hurting my kids or anything, but sometimes I would drive in my car and think “if I drove off that bridge right now, who would miss me?” I was on prozac for a year, and that helped me be a much happier person and better mom! I am fine now!

  4. {{{Jenn}}} This is something I struggle with too. I’d *totally* recommend reading the book “She’s Gonna Blow” by Julie Ann Barnhill. I went to her class at a women’s conference, and it was SUCH a blessing to me.

  5. Lots of hugs and prayers for you, Jenn!

  6. Praying of course. Having suffered from anxiety disorder and depression off and on for the last 12 years, (and having a degree in psychology), depression is definately a chemical imbalance.
    I really think anti-depression medication just helps makes problems seem more “do-able”. Of course they don’t go away, but now when my car breaks down, I don’t have a catastrophic melt-down and cry for 3 hours. I still get mad, and sad, but I can deal with it better.
    And I think I am a happier person and more social because of it.
    You for SURE have someone in your corner!

  7. I read about you going to the gym yesterday…and as I’m reading on, I’m getting concerned. Eventually, I read “gyn,” not “gym.” I’m still not quite clear on why your gynecologist is at the gym, but there’s an orthopedic surgeon who’s set up this big shop at the local women’s hospital, and that doesn’t make sense either (at least until you look at the finances of the deal).

    Anyway, I have to say I was wondering. I’ve seen a lot of things in you that I recognize because I see them in myself.

    A couple things, from a veteran of the depression wars:

    1. Don’t stop the drug because you feel better. Only stop the drug because a) you’re getting unacceptable side effects — cal the doctor immediately! or b) a doctor tells you to.

    2. The first drug only works about 40% of the time (I forget the exact percentage — I think it’s 40, but if it’s some other percent, don’t blame me, please). If it doesn’t work, try another. The doctor will tell you when to keep trying with a drug and when to give up. But you have to keep going back to the doctor to make the changes.

    3. A gyn or gen prac won’t be able to hanlde more than the first couple frontline antidepressants. Just in case, start asking questions now about psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are M.D.s

    4. Drugs work as well as talk therapy. Drugs and talk therapy work better than either singly. Duh. Too many psychiatrists believe you only need drugs; too many psychologists believe you only need talk therapy. Your gyn is smarter than they are. Together, they’re much better. Big surprise there.

    5. You want a Christian who is trained in counselling and has experience working with depressed people. There’s some indication that, at least to start out with, someone with a behaviorist leaning (no psychologist is all one type of therapy, at least not if they have a brain) will produce the fastest results, but there’s some argument on this.

    6. Ask the counsellor for homework. Behaviorists may be more comfortable with this, but any therapist should be ammenable.

    7. Counsellors are like drugs. The first one doesn’t always work. Don’t try to make a bad situation work, although also realize the counsellor will, as a matter of the process, be disturbing. It’s a fine balance.

    8. I know someone who had the world’s worst, most sadistic psychiatrist. She got better. We all suspect she got better so that she would never have to see the psychatrist again. It’s a horrifying concept, and I don’t recommend it, but if you get the psych folks to open up, you’ll find that there’s more than a few instances of that in the records….

    9. Depending on the dosage level, Lexapro can still affect your sex drive and your sexual response. All antidepressants can, no matter what the marketing droids say. Different drugs affect different people differently. Being depressed probably already affects your sex life. Changing drugs can help. Learning about your sexual response will help. Sex may require some effort. As Christians, we tend to be lousy at this stuff and we sure don’t talk about it enough. Sex is important, both to fighting your depression, keeping your marriage intact, having more children (trust me — it’s far easier than the alternatives), and just your general happiness.

    10. Your husband might be weirded out by 9. Presented properly, in a way designed to not make him feel threatened and inadequate, he’ll be on board and will hopefully even be enthusiastic. You’ll need him. Duh!

    11. Your husband should be checked for depression as well. Depression presents differently in men.

    12. Antidepressants have an increased risk of diabetes. Depression already has an increased risk for diabetes, and there’s some thought diabetes can cause depression. You should be checked for diabetes and take steps to prevent it. Well, you should do that anyway.

    Of course, I will pray for you. Should you happen to return the favor, I won’t argue.

  8. Thanks for being honest. I will send up prayers for you.

  9. Hey Jenn… hang in there hon’ and know I love you no matter what and I know you will make it through this.

    I’m really glad you are my sister in christ.

    Ellen

  10. Thanks for being honest, Jen. I’ll be praying for you as well! I’m glad the depression was uncovered so that you could get help.

  11. Oh, Jenn. This was so brave of you, and I applaud you SO much for it. I have to try not to just paint a happy picture all the time when I’m frustrated, too… very, very glad you sought out and got help. I’ll be among those praying that you’re back to your cheerful, lovely, normal self in no time. 🙂 Love you!

  12. Jenn, I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling … praying!

  13. Hang in there!
    I’ll pray for you!

    Amy

  14. *hugs* Jenn. I’ve been struggling with depression too. I’ve just weaned off Zoloft because I’m pregnant again. For me, therapy was a double-edged sword in the beginning. I’d have major panic attacks about going to the therapist that I just shut down completely. Do what feels right for you. If you don’t feel comfortable with therapy in the beginning, let the medication do it’s work and then think about therapy again.

    I’m here if you need to talk.

  15. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 17. A lot of people don’t know it though because I tend to hide behind sarcasm and a smile. I take Wellbutrin and Paxil CR. The Wellbutrin is often prescribed with Paxil to help out with the sexual side effects. Paxil works for me, but I know it doesn’t work for everyone. It’s not a cure-all but before, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I hope that you find something that works for you soon. ((big hugs)).

  16. Oh sweetie….

    #1…I’m sorry I seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth!
    #2…Thanks for the tags and the support and loving words. The prayers are greatly appreciative!
    #3…I so know how you feel. Being Bipolar I have the depression AND the manic spells and I have the anger and anxiety. It is a chemical imbalance but with love, patience and a lot of talking things out…it can be worked with. And medicine is NOT a bad thing.

    If you ever need to talk…I’m here for you ok!

    Give those babies big hugs!!

    *HUGZ*

  17. How are you doing Jenn? I get worried when there are no updates for a while. *hug*

  18. Hi Jenn…just commin by to check up on ya….

    Was reading through the comments here and I agree with what Rob said about Meds for Depression….after having been on them for about 6 years….I know he speaks the truth.

    If you ever need someone to talk to….you’ve got my email!

    As far as being honest here….hey..if you can’t be honest in your own personal PRIVATE blog…then where else can you be? Right?

    I’ll be thinking of you…and I hope to see ya around the “blog” soon!

    *Hugs*

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